Hamster In A Coma

Google suggests that this, apparently, wasn't one of the tabloid headlines when Richard Hammond was in that car crash a couple of years ago, even if I do seem to remember things entirely differently... Anyway, I'm not really sure why I happened to think about that, but it did lead me to wondering about this:

What other Morrissey or Smiths song titles might benefit from the inclusion of one or more fluffy rodents?

Here are my suggestions (plus, possible themes and subject matter; oh, and a couple of non-rodents):

There Is A Gerbil That Never Goes Out - highlighting the serious issue of rodent agoraphobia.

Squirrel, Squirrel, Down We Go Together - Morrissey entreats a reluctant squirrel to join him on a slide.

Death Of A Disco Dormouse - a cautionary tale about resisting the lure of the bright lights.

We Hate It When Our Ferrets Become Successful - elegy to bitter Music Hall acts whose animal partners struck out on their own.

I Keep Mice Hidden - Morrissey confesses to having frequently ended games of Hide & Seek without telling anyone.

That Vole Isn't Funny Anymore - somewhat blunt lament to a rodent's squandered comic talent.

Big Mouse Strikes Again - Thatcher-era nonsense about Mickey joining a trade union.

You're The One For Me, Ratty - Morrissey makes plain his feelings; to the disappointment of Mole, Badger, and Mr Toad.

Vicar In A Coypu - the less said, the better (to quote the Catholic Church).

Pretty Girls Make Cavies - Morrissey finally explains his misgivings about heterosexual entanglements (see also, Some Girls Are Bigger Than Otters).

Have-A-Go Marmot - anthem to a vigilante ground squirrel.

Suffer Little Chinchilla - decidedly upsetting ballad, in which it becomes clear that Morrissey wasn't always so deeply committed to animal rights (see also, Marmot On The Guillotine).

This Lemming Man - protest song, in which Morrissey parodies the migratory urges of others while blithely ignoring his own domiciliary arrangements.

Squirrel Loves Me - following initial reticence, something beautiful unexpectedly blossoms at the foot of a playground slide.


More songs listed here, should anyone else fancy joining in...