Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Nothing to see here

The text below has been centrally aligned, which I believe is the standard warning that poetry may follow. Should you prefer watching crabs fight over a doomed sandcastle to a synthy post-rock soundtrack, click here.


When is and was
(and in and)
went to see
and saw
that is was was and when was who
they stopped, these two, and swore -

Bugger they said
This is confusing

In a land of is and was and this
of who and which and when
where was is is and who is where
and when will all this end

here and now
is all we have
and if that doesn't seem like much
go and in and
and I to I
(and such and such and such) -

(it'll be no less confusing

but ands are nice:

two touch

____(and touch

_________and touch,

Seriously. What are you still doing here? You could be watching seagulls being complete bastards, and crabs that seem to have been filled with ink for some reason...* You're a fool unto yourself, I tell you. A fool unto yourself.

(Anyway, sorry, the above was a bad E. E. Cummings rip-off - I've been reading his poems on and off all day - they're bloody marvellous - and apparently I just couldn't help myself. As for the video, I'm mildly baffled by it, and it's not nearly their best song - this might be - but there's a line or two that sort of fit in with the above, so I guess the link stays).

*or is this usual?

Monday, February 16, 2009

Reverse-engineered karaoke

Is it real?

I don't know. I really don't know.

What would happen if you fed it the vocals from Creep?
Hmm, how odd that you should ask...

More songs impeccably ruined by Microsoft here. Actually, though, I think I kind of liked that version...

I know.

I can never, ever write for the NME now.

So that's one fewer awful fate awaiting me then :)

Tuesday, February 03, 2009

The Curious Case of Forrest Gump

If I'd had anything to do with (the original) Forrest Gump I expect his mother's great words of wisdom would have been more along the lines of: "Life is like a box of Cheerios, unlikely to tempt you out of bed before lunch." It wouldn't have been quite so popular, though, I suppose. Or have been remade with Brad Pitt in the title role.

Witness, The Curious Case of Forrest Gump:

And yes, both films really did have the same screenwriter.

[This was originally on Funny or Die, I think, but Paramount seems to have been trying to eradicate it from all the main video hosting sites, so it might well be unavailable by the time you read this - copyright reasons, it said on YouTube (at which point I'd make the obvious joke, but apparently Paramount owns both movies. Anyway, boooooo! to Paramount, for at least two reasons)].