Monday, December 17, 2007

Listen Again

I was listening to iPM earlier. For those who haven't heard it before, it's essentially a heady interactive mix of consumer issues, current events, and extended whinges about the misleading advertising of broadband speeds; an offshoot of news and analysis programme PM, but with a blog. I'm sure last Saturday's programme must have raised all sorts of interesting and thought-provoking issues that I could perhaps have diverted you with here; however, throughout the entire 25 minutes I found myself with just one - admittedly quite pressing - question on my mind: "Ooh, I wonder what would happen if you just added a letter to other popular Radio 4 programmes? Or you could take one away! Brilliant."

Erm, I got quite excited.

What? It was a quiet afternoon.

Anyway, so far, my favourite alternative programme by a long way has to be Monkey Box Live (with recorded highlights available on partner programme Monkey Box; obviously). Erm, not really sure what that might entail, quite frankly, beyond recordings of a box full of monkeys... Still, that's more than enough, isn't it?

Of course it is.

Anyway, here are some more I came up with (like I said, it was a quiet afternoon):
(for those more unfamiliar with the Radio 4 schedule, links go to the parent programme)

Act O'Worship - same programme, but now outsourced to an Irish call centre.

Afternoon Lay - Russell Brand keeps us up to date on his sex life (stand-in presenter: David Walliams).

From Our Down Correspondent - news for depressives.

Tall in the Mind - short people with denial issues.

Afternoon Dreading - niche programming for those who fear the hours between 12pm and 6pm.

Quote... Nunquote - same as original, but with a vow of silence. Thank God.

The Achers - daily discussion programme for arthritis sufferers.

The Achers Omnibus - weekend edition of The Achers. On a bus. For some reason.

Many Questions? - same as original programme, but with Jonathan Dimbleby giving the distinct impression he'd really quite like to get home for his tea.

Bran of Britain - needlessly testing the nation's knowledge of husks.

Excess Braggage - half an hour of insufferable boasting.

Eek in Westminster - comedy programme, in which a mouse is secretly let loose in the House of Commons.

A Good Tread - Sue MacGregor and guests discuss their favourite tyres.

In Our Tim - Tim Henman reads from his food diary, occasionally hurried along by Jeremy Paxman - "C'mon, Tim!"

The Latte Story - updated radio adaptation of those Gold Blend ads from the 80s.

Prayer for the Dray - daily entreaty on behalf of the traditional haulage industry.

You 'ad Yours! - noisily triumphalist consumer affairs programme. But just to completely distinguish it from the original, now presented by aggressive Cockneys. You slag.

Woman Sour - sixty minutes of personal attacks on Jenni Murrray by Yoda. Utterly, utterly uncalled for. Yet strangely compelling...

Ok. I'm done. No, wait...

Nope, I'm done. Bit tenuous those last few, but never mind.


miss-cellany said...

Bloomin' genius and hilarious! :)

All I can (humbly) add at this point is:

The Arches- a daily topical update on modern fahmly car related issues, hosted by Phil Mitchell and Minty.


Occasional Poster of Comments said...

Thanks :)

I kind of saw that one too, but couldn't resist the Omnibus editions of The Achers.

Oh, and add away, anyone who happens to read this. Believe me, there are other possibilities...

For instance:

Prick of the Week - just clips of Eamonn Holmes really.

Emily said...


Sean McManus said...

Brilliant! Here are some more for you:

Zany Questions - where readers phone in with exasperatingly quirky queries and Dimbleby fights the urge to order them to 'get to the point'.

Desert Island Discos - documentary about the declining market for 1970s pop and funk music in unpopulated areas.

I'm Sorry I haven't a flue - in which a panel of elderly comedians uses a mixture of improvisation, pun and song to turn away a celebrity chimney sweep.

patroclus said...

Ooh, this made me laugh, especially 'Afternoon Dreading'.

Occasional Poster of Comments said...

Thanks, you three :)

Can't believe I missed Desert Island Discos...

Anyway, should anyone have nothing better to do than check these comments later today, let me just wish you a:

Happy Christmas!

Although, I fear if you really do have nothing better to do than that, you'll need more than wishes...

mrzapoppin said...

You 'ad Yours. Fkn tops.